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"...what have we got—a Republic or a Monarchy?” “A Republic, if you can keep it

Conservative Liberal Divorce Agreement


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,

socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the

whole of this latest election process has made me realize

that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for

many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly,

this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological

sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is

right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can

smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go

our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by

landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult

part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly

agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our

respective representatives can effortlessly divide other

assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate


We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep

them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms,

the cops, the NR A and the military. You can keep Oprah,

Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however,

responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to

move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations,

pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can

have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal

aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy

CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give

you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll

retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten

us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our

allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help

provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome

to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can

also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the


We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury

cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any

practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare

is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn

of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure

you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to

Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give

trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends

you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to

other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if

you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly

parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need

whose help in 15 years.

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